Egg Assault: Marines' Yolky Training Mayhem
The Royal Marines – those unflappable Bootnecks who've stared down everything from Napoleonic fleets to Taliban strongholds, all while embodying that unbreakable Commando Spirit.
You know the drill.
Courage to charge into the fray, determination to keep going when your boots are filled with mud (or worse), unselfishness in putting the team first, and – my personal favourite – cheerfulness, that cheeky ability to crack a smile amid utter chaos.
But let's be real guys; sometimes that cheerfulness manifests in ways that are less "stiff upper lip" and more "slippery upper omelette."
Today, I'm diving into a tale from Jake Olafsen's memoir Wearing the Green Beret, where a Canadian recruit learns the hard way that Bootnecki humour is as lethal as their marksmanship.
It's early in Commando training at the infamous CTCRM, where the air smells of salt, sweat, and sheer bloody-mindedness. Our hero, Jake, and his troop are out in the field, practicing the art of ignoring distractions – a key skill when bullets are whizzing past, but apparently also when breakfast decides to rain from the skies.
Enter the training team, those sadistic yet lovable corporals who've been through the wringer themselves. They decide it's time for a "practical lesson" in focus. Without warning, eggs start flying. Not metaphorical eggs – actual, yolky, farm-fresh projectiles lobbed at the recruits like they're auditioning for a food fight in a Monty Python sketch.
The rules?
Simple and savage: "Oi! Nod! Don’t even think about moving out of the way! Carry on doing what you’re doing and do not pay attention to what’s happening over here. Just ignore the eggs or else!"
So there they are, these aspiring bootnecks, pretending to be statues while splats of sunny-side-up doom crack against their helmets, uniforms, and dignity. Imagine trying to maintain your military bearing with egg dripping down your face – it's the ultimate test of mental fortitude, that cool-headed resilience under stress.
One dodge, and you're probably doing push-ups on the flank until you cry.
But wait, it gets better (or worse, depending on your love for pork products). Not content with mere ovular mayhem, the instructors zero in on Jake and hand him... a slice of cooked ham.
"Here you go, lad," they say with grins wider than the English Channel.
"Carry this with you and lay it out for inspection each morning with the rest of your kit."
Yes, you read that right – a floppy piece of deli meat becomes part of his official gear. Every morning, alongside polished boots and a spotless weapon, Jake has to present this ham for scrutiny, as if it's a grenade launcher or a map to enemy lines.
Bootneck humour at its finest:
Absurd, relentless, and designed to forge bonds through shared absurdity. It's unselfishness in action – the team laughs together, suffers together, and probably wonders if the ham's gone off by day three.
Now, why on earth would hardened warriors pull such a prank? Well, that's the entertaining twist on the factual grind of Bootneck life. Training isn't just about building physical prowess (though there's plenty of that – endless runs, swims, and crawls through gorse).
It's about Adaptability, turning the unexpected into the routine, and leadership emerging from the lads who can laugh through the chaos.
Jake nails it: "Bootneck humour; you gotta love it." This isn't hazing for hazing's sake; it's a rite that weeds out the fragile and welds the rest into a unit where self-discipline means not cracking up (or cracking eggs) at the wrong moment.
In the grand tapestry of Royal Marines history – from storming Belle Isle in 1761 to the frozen yomps of the Falklands – this egg-and-ham escapade might seem like a footnote.
But...
It's these moments that highlight the integrity & humility at the Corps' core: recognising you're just one soggy recruit in a team, yet finding joy in the hardship. As Olafsen pushes through to earn his green beret, despite the pranks and pains, it reminds us that true Commandos don't just survive adversity – they season it with a dash of wit.
